More Stupid Things I Say to My Dog

In case you missed part one, check it out here: Stupid Things I Say to My Dog. Here's some more stupid things I say to my dog:

• "If you have to throw up, then go out in the kitchen! Don't throw up on the carpet!"

• "I lied--I don't actually have a treat for you."

• "Quit eating grass, it's going to make you throw up again."

• "If you eat my plant again, I'm going to skin you."

• "Go ahead and lick your butt. Get the taste of my face out of your mouth."

• Getting dressed: "Shoes! I know clothes excite you. But not as much as they excite your friend Gambit."

• "Slow down and chew your food. You're going to throw it up again."

• "There's nothing scarier than a chihuahua barking under a pile of blankets. Nothing."

• Me: "Are you trying to choke yourself? Quit pulling so hard." Partner: "I didn't know your dog was into auto-erotic asphyxiation."

• "Who's in my butt? Get out of there."

• Going to the pet store to get a doggie rain coat: "I know you're happy now, but you're about to hate me."

He hates his rain coat almost as much as he hates rain.