27 February 2014

Stupid Things I Say to My Dog

I live alone with my dog, so naturally I talk to him. A lot. We have some pretty deep conversations. Here are some gems:

  • "Do you want a treat? That was a stupid question."
  • In the bathroom: "Get out of here; I don't need your help. I can pee by myself. I've been doing it for a long time."
  • "It's almost March, so I hope that means it's almost spring. I better not have to wait until April."
  • "That would be the correct sentence structure. Not that you care about sentences. You only know five words." *
  • "I love kisses. Except the ones that go up my nose."
  • After working out: "Yep, lick all the sweat off. Salt is real good. Tastes like Gatorade. Sweat flavored Gatorade."
  • "No, if you're not going to pee, then we're going in. I didn't come out here in the snow to chase squirrels."
  • As he barks at the neighbors: "You're so ferocious. You just made me shit myself in terror."

He pretty much always has the same response. He tilts his head and looks at me like this:
You talkin' to me?

*He actually knows at least ten words: no, okay, bad, sit, stay, down, out, walk, treat, food, ride, and leave it (which is two words, but he doesn't know that)


  1. Not stupid at all ! Sometimes I talk to my fish ...

    1. At least my dog responds! He can't talk back, but he loves when I talk to him.

    2. Exactly !! I think even if they don't understand the words, they GET what you're saying. They just GET it.