Dads Against Daughters Dating

I saw this shirt at a flea market a few weeks ago:

D.A.D.D. Dads Against Daughters Dating

My first response was anger, but I brushed it off by saying, "That's childish." I've been thinking about it ever since. Here are some of my thoughts:

1. Why are they against daughters dating, but not sons dating? That doesn't even make sense. Who else would their sons date? Adult women? In addition to that, why are sons given the freedom to date, but daughters are kept under tighter control? The whole thing reeks of patriarchy.

2. Dating is a normal activity that most teens engage in. It helps them relate to other people, spend time with peers outside of the school setting, and better understand what traits they would like potential partners to have. There is nothing wrong with dating, even for young teens and children.

3. I'm tired of parents acting like they own and control their children's bodies. This happens at my job all the time. Mothers calling and demanding to make an appointment for their daughters. Threatening to "hold them down" to get birth control implanted into the daughter's arm. Children are not possessions, and parents need to come to the realization that they are their own people with their own rights.

All in all, I think I like this shirt more:

Her body, her rules.

Sex Education

Do you remember your sex ed days? If yours were anything like mine, you got two opposing messages: "Don't have sex til you're married!" and "Feel free to experiment! But use protection against STDs and pregnancy!" There needs to be a middle ground. Somewhere along the lines of this:

Talk with your partner. Only do what both of you are comfortable with and actually want to do. Have a conversation - multiple conversations! - about sex, your boundaries, and what you want to try. (Do this well beforehand: not while you're ripping each others' clothes off.) If you don't know what your boundaries are, then think about them! Make three lists: what you want to try (or what you're comfortable with), what you may want to try (or what you're not sure about), and what you absolutely don't want to try (not negotiable). And masturbate! It helps you learn what you like (and it feels good). That way, you can tell your partner what you like and don't like. You have to be comfortable talking about it with them and giving them instructions. If you're not comfortable talking about it, then you're probably not ready to do it. Be comfortable with saying "No," or "Not yet," or "I'm not sure, maybe we should wait," or "Slow down," or "Yes, but go slowly," or "Do this, but not that," or "Yes, do that again!" Practice saying it aloud by yourself if you need to. And respect your partner when they say these things, or something like them. Don't pressure them, or try to persuade them, to do something they don't want to do. Let them know it's okay if they're not ready, and keep the lines of communication open. Communication is the most important part - communication and respect!

Teenagers and Abortion

I work at Planned Parenthood. When there's something about our services that I don't know enough about to answer questions about it, I do research. Sometimes, I get questions from teenagers about pregnancy options, including abortions.

First of all, let's get this out of the way: (some) teens have sex. Some of them get on birth control, some don't. Some use condoms, some don't. Some of those condoms break. Some teens are raped. Some get pregnant. Some decide to become teen parents. Some put their child up for adoption. Some decide to get an abortion.

The problem with Pennsylvania is that teens need a parent's permission to get an abortion here. While some parents have no problem giving this permission, some will not grant it. Furthermore, some teens are too scared to ask their parents, or they don't want their parents to know that they're pregnant (or even that they're having sex). Those that can't or won't get permission from their parents have one more option: to get a judicial bypass.

The teen seeking an abortion can "bypass" her parents by meeting with a judge, who can give the permission necessary for the procedure. The judge asks questions to decide if the teen is mature enough to make her own decision about getting an abortion. If she is not deemed mature enough, then the judge has to decide if an abortion would be in her best interest.

Although it seems to be uncommon, the judge can deny the teen permission. Here's an article about a case in Pittsburgh where that happened: http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/local/region/teen-rights-to-abortion-in-dispute-285291/. In 2010, "Jane Doe" went to a judge for permission to get an abortion, and she was denied. According to the article:

"After questioning her for more than an hour, the judge decided that she couldn't have the abortion, ruling she was not mature and capable of making an informed decision about the procedure."

Forgive my language, but: What. The. Fuck.

A 17-year-old young woman is not mature enough to make an informed decision about what to do with her own body? Even though she has to watch an informed consent video at least 24 hours before her procedure (by PA law). I call Bullshit.

If this young woman is not mature enough to get informed consent and decide to get a medical procedure that is arguably safer than nine months of pregnancy and childbirth (http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/23/us-abortion-idUSTRE80M2BS20120123), then how the hell is she mature enough to take care of herself and a developing fetus, handle the stress of pregnancy and childbirth, and then parent or put a child up for adoption? That was a rhetorical question.

Like other backwards states (i.e. Texas and Mississippi), Pennsylvania is making it more and more difficult for women to get an abortion. If lawmakers could overturn Roe v. Wade, I believe that they absolutely would. Politicians would love to control every aspect of women's reproductive lives, and we cannot let them do that. If you do nothing else, at least pay attention to what's going on around you. This is not an isolated incident.


Sources/further reading:
http://www.womenslawproject.org/NewPages/hrAbortion_young_bypass.html
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/ppsp/judicial-bypass-pa-18389.htm

Obviously, I'm writing this on my personal blog, and my opinions in this and other posts are my own, and should not be seen as representative of Planned Parenthood Keystone or Planned Parenthood Federation of America.