Sex Education

Do you remember your sex ed days? If yours were anything like mine, you got two opposing messages: "Don't have sex til you're married!" and "Feel free to experiment! But use protection against STDs and pregnancy!" There needs to be a middle ground. Somewhere along the lines of this:

Talk with your partner. Only do what both of you are comfortable with and actually want to do. Have a conversation - multiple conversations! - about sex, your boundaries, and what you want to try. (Do this well beforehand: not while you're ripping each others' clothes off.) If you don't know what your boundaries are, then think about them! Make three lists: what you want to try (or what you're comfortable with), what you may want to try (or what you're not sure about), and what you absolutely don't want to try (not negotiable). And masturbate! It helps you learn what you like (and it feels good). That way, you can tell your partner what you like and don't like. You have to be comfortable talking about it with them and giving them instructions. If you're not comfortable talking about it, then you're probably not ready to do it. Be comfortable with saying "No," or "Not yet," or "I'm not sure, maybe we should wait," or "Slow down," or "Yes, but go slowly," or "Do this, but not that," or "Yes, do that again!" Practice saying it aloud by yourself if you need to. And respect your partner when they say these things, or something like them. Don't pressure them, or try to persuade them, to do something they don't want to do. Let them know it's okay if they're not ready, and keep the lines of communication open. Communication is the most important part - communication and respect!

How to Reduce the Need for Abortion

Let me start out by saying that this is not an abortion debate. I believe that what to do about an unintended pregnancy should be up to the pregnant woman and only the pregnant woman. If it's not your body, then it's not your business.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

However, there are many Americans out there who would like to see fewer abortions performed. I can understand this desire; deciding to continue or terminate a pregnancy can be a difficult and stressful time in a woman's life. (I say "can be" because it is not the same for all women--there is no universal abortion experience.) While the woman may be dealing with her conscience or morals, she also has to deal with her finances. An abortion is not cheap; surgical abortions can cost up to $300-$400, and insurance companies will not always cover the procedure. Not to mention all the legal hurdles that she has to jump through, i.e. the 24 hour waiting period and the infamous transvaginal ultrasounds. Life would be easier for any woman if she could bypass this potential headache altogether.

The only way to reduce* the need for abortions is to reduce the number of unintended pregnancies. Period.

Let me say that again. The only way to reduce the need for abortions is to reduce the number of unintended pregnancies.

But how do we do that, you ask?

Three words, my friends: Education and Access to Prevention.

Education is first and foremost. Every individual, no matter their race, class, gender, religion, sexuality (etc.), must be educated about sexual health--which includes protection from STIs (STDs) and unintended pregnancies. "Don't have sex until you're married or you'll go to hell" is not a good education. Study after study has shown that abstinence-only education is not effective at reducing STI and teen birth rates. And forget the idea that sex-ed gives kids "ideas"; most kids hear a lot about sex before they hear any real educational information about sexual health. Children need to be educated about sex before they start having sex so that, when they eventually come to the point in their lives when they are ready to become sexually active, they can make reasonable decisions to protect themselves and their partners.

Prevention methods are obviously also very important. We currently have a wide variety of prevention methods, but I think we need more. More choices for those of us who cannot take hormonal methods, for whatever reason. More condoms that people will actually want to wear (and more for people who are allergic to latex). And how about choices for men who want to be on some sort of birth control? If a woman and a man in a relationship are both on birth control, think about how much more effective that would be at preventing pregnancy!

However, prevention is not very helpful if it is not accessible. All kinds of birth control and condoms need to be widely available to the general population. Laws restricting access to birth control (like the one that allows pharmacies to deny a patient her pills) need to be curtailed. Emergency contraception (which is indeed contraception and not the abortion pill) needs to be available without a prescription to anyone seeking it. Accessibility also includes affordability--condoms and birth control need to be affordable so that people who make less money can still afford to prevent unintended pregnancies. In addition, accessibility needs to extend to rural areas, where there may be fewer pharmacies that are farther apart. Fortunately, some Planned Parenthood affiliates offer "Pills by Mail," a program where a woman can have her birth control mailed to her home so that she only needs to have a check-up once a year.

With ultra-conservatives attacking sex education and access to birth control, one wonders what their real goal is. Taking away these things will only lead to more unintended pregnancies--and therefore more abortions--which they are supposedly against. If you are really ready to reduce the number of unintended pregnancies in this country, then you will support education and access to prevention wholeheartedly.


*I say "reduce" and not "eliminate" because there are always extenuating circumstances. Condoms break. Hormonal birth control methods can fail. And don't even get me started on the issue of rape. We will always have a need for abortions, but we can certainly help prevent women from needing them in the first place.

The Gender Binary

The gender binary: the idea that there is a strict line that separates man and woman, which defines masculinity and femininity. However, there are not two genders. Gender is not a category--it is a spectrum.

Sex isn't even a category. If you've ever heard of hermaphrodites, then you understand that there are more than two sexes. In addition to men and women, there are all kinds of in-betweens for which we have no name besides the general term hermaphrodite.

In the same way, there are more than two genders. There is not only male and female; there are all kinds of gender expressions for both genders. Some females feel more masculine, and some males feel more feminine. These people are often quickly labeled "gay," even though their gender or gender expression has nothing to do with their sexuality.

Take me, for example. I am biologically a female, but my gender expression is not strictly feminine. I do not believe in girly dresses, makeup, jewelry, heels, or low-cut shirts. I may be shy, but I'm not passive and I'm not soft-spoken. I do not let the man pay for all the dates. Sometimes I look like a boy, and for this reason people label me a lesbian. Some people are just too uncomfortable around a girl that looks and acts like a boy. You wouldn't believe some of the nasty looks I get.

But why do people have this reaction? Why can't people accept that gender expression may be different from a person's biological sex? Why is there such an obsession with knowing everyone's sex? (I'm looking at Lady Gaga on this one--who cares if she's a man or a woman?)

The gender binary is largely to blame for this issue. Many people, especially from our older generations, believe that there are only two genders and that you should act like the masculine man or feminine woman that you are.

I am here to challenge this binary. I may be a woman, but I do not have to act feminine. I do not have to dress like a woman. If that makes you uncomfortable, good. We need to get over this notion of the gender binary so we can have some real progress in this country for women's rights and LGBT rights.