Dads Against Daughters Dating

I saw this shirt at a flea market a few weeks ago:

D.A.D.D. Dads Against Daughters Dating

My first response was anger, but I brushed it off by saying, "That's childish." I've been thinking about it ever since. Here are some of my thoughts:

1. Why are they against daughters dating, but not sons dating? That doesn't even make sense. Who else would their sons date? Adult women? In addition to that, why are sons given the freedom to date, but daughters are kept under tighter control? The whole thing reeks of patriarchy.

2. Dating is a normal activity that most teens engage in. It helps them relate to other people, spend time with peers outside of the school setting, and better understand what traits they would like potential partners to have. There is nothing wrong with dating, even for young teens and children.

3. I'm tired of parents acting like they own and control their children's bodies. This happens at my job all the time. Mothers calling and demanding to make an appointment for their daughters. Threatening to "hold them down" to get birth control implanted into the daughter's arm. Children are not possessions, and parents need to come to the realization that they are their own people with their own rights.

All in all, I think I like this shirt more:

Her body, her rules.

Sex Education

Do you remember your sex ed days? If yours were anything like mine, you got two opposing messages: "Don't have sex til you're married!" and "Feel free to experiment! But use protection against STDs and pregnancy!" There needs to be a middle ground. Somewhere along the lines of this:

Talk with your partner. Only do what both of you are comfortable with and actually want to do. Have a conversation - multiple conversations! - about sex, your boundaries, and what you want to try. (Do this well beforehand: not while you're ripping each others' clothes off.) If you don't know what your boundaries are, then think about them! Make three lists: what you want to try (or what you're comfortable with), what you may want to try (or what you're not sure about), and what you absolutely don't want to try (not negotiable). And masturbate! It helps you learn what you like (and it feels good). That way, you can tell your partner what you like and don't like. You have to be comfortable talking about it with them and giving them instructions. If you're not comfortable talking about it, then you're probably not ready to do it. Be comfortable with saying "No," or "Not yet," or "I'm not sure, maybe we should wait," or "Slow down," or "Yes, but go slowly," or "Do this, but not that," or "Yes, do that again!" Practice saying it aloud by yourself if you need to. And respect your partner when they say these things, or something like them. Don't pressure them, or try to persuade them, to do something they don't want to do. Let them know it's okay if they're not ready, and keep the lines of communication open. Communication is the most important part - communication and respect!

Rules

Thanks to a certain someone, I am thinking of rules. Why is the world governed by rules? Because chaos would rule, surely, but why do we need personal rules on top of the "legal" ones?

Rules.

Rules for relationships:
1. Don't cheat.
2. Don't lie, unless it's for their own good.
3. Don't hurt them.
4. Don't make them cry.
5. Don't lead them on for no reason.
6. Support them in whatever they want to do.
7. Stand up for them if someone else says or does something to offend them.
8. Don't get drunk. You will say something you will regret.
9. Respect their family.
10. Don't be clingy. Respect their free-time and their friend-time.
11. Dance with them.
12. Kiss them.
13. Say "I love you."
14. Don't say "I love you" if you don't mean it.
15. Don't belittle them.
16. Listen to them.
17. Communicate problems.
18. Make them feel good.
19. Give them backrubs.
20. Don't ask about their past girlfriends.
21. Don't belittle their past girlfriends.
22. Spend time together, but don't let them become your whole world.
23. Don't take all their money. Don't make them buy you things.
24. Don't push them away. Embrace them.
25. Leave them little reminders to show that you care.
26. Discuss important matters.
27. Love them!

These are my own rules that I do my best to follow. Some of them, I have broken; others, I break on a regular basis. When I follow them, I make him feel his best, which in turn makes me feel good. When I break them, he gets upset, which upsets me. The emotions flow back and forth so easily--in order to keep the emotions positive, I must follow the rules.

The rules are only mine; I must not hold anyone else to the rules. He cannot break the rules because they are not his. You cannot break the rules because they are not yours. If you have your own rules, follow those. Leave me to mine.