Sex Education

Do you remember your sex ed days? If yours were anything like mine, you got two opposing messages: "Don't have sex til you're married!" and "Feel free to experiment! But use protection against STDs and pregnancy!" There needs to be a middle ground. Somewhere along the lines of this:

Talk with your partner. Only do what both of you are comfortable with and actually want to do. Have a conversation - multiple conversations! - about sex, your boundaries, and what you want to try. (Do this well beforehand: not while you're ripping each others' clothes off.) If you don't know what your boundaries are, then think about them! Make three lists: what you want to try (or what you're comfortable with), what you may want to try (or what you're not sure about), and what you absolutely don't want to try (not negotiable). And masturbate! It helps you learn what you like (and it feels good). That way, you can tell your partner what you like and don't like. You have to be comfortable talking about it with them and giving them instructions. If you're not comfortable talking about it, then you're probably not ready to do it. Be comfortable with saying "No," or "Not yet," or "I'm not sure, maybe we should wait," or "Slow down," or "Yes, but go slowly," or "Do this, but not that," or "Yes, do that again!" Practice saying it aloud by yourself if you need to. And respect your partner when they say these things, or something like them. Don't pressure them, or try to persuade them, to do something they don't want to do. Let them know it's okay if they're not ready, and keep the lines of communication open. Communication is the most important part - communication and respect!

She Didn't Say "No"

Trigger warning, obviously. Poem after the break.

Strawberries Are Not Diet Food

I'm currently on a quest to become a vegetarian, mostly for ethical reasons. I'm slowly substituting my regular meals and snacks with plant-based foods to make the switch gradually. So, instead of a hot pocket for lunch, I have a salad and an apple. Instead of beef jerky for a snack, I have some strawberries.

Apparently, my co-workers have noticed. Here's what they said to me today (names both changed, obviously):

Sally: I got crackers and peanut butter if you ever want any.
Don: Stop tempting her.
Sally: I'm sorry!
Me: You're sorry for offering me food?
Sally: Only if you don't want it...You've been eating a lot of...diet foods lately...I don't want to tempt you...
Me: I told you before: I'm on a see-food diet. I see food, I eat it.

I really didn't want to get into my food choices with my co-workers, which is why I tried to take the easy way out of this conversation. But apparently eating healthier, plant-based foods means that I'm on a diet. Goddess forbid I just want to be healthy.

Happy Earth Day!

Some days I get bogged down by negativity when I think about all the crap the Earth takes. News of oil spills, protected species being hunted to extinction, rainforests being destroyed, global warming, etc. just makes me want to give up hope about the future of the planet. Even just taking a drive through the city reminds me of how much we take our natural resources for granted: trash covers the streets and clogs the storm drains. And, considering how much influence the huge oil companies have with their billions of dollars, I know there's only so much I can do to help.

But that little bit that I can, I do. On our walks, Peppy and I pick up the trash around our neighborhood and in the shopping center across from our apartment. I just carry an extra shopping bag with me and pick up the wrappers, bottles, cans, bags, and most other trash that I find (I will not touch Q-tips, dental flossers, tampons, or condoms unless I have gloves). We usually fill a regular sized shopping bag with no problem. Peppy enjoys the longer, more meandering walks, and I feel like I accomplished something. We help the environment and make the neighborhood look nicer. I know I can't get all the trash, and that there will be more tomorrow, but I can do my part by picking up what I see. That's enough for me.

Peppy loves a clean environment

My Top 5 Most Read Authors

I recently started using the site Goodreads, which is a great resource for book nerds like myself. It has tons of lists of books and authors, and it lets you indicate on your profile which books you've read or would like to read. This is going to be a great tool for me, considering that I read a ton of books and sometimes forget if I read a certain book or not. It even has the cool feature of telling you your "Most Read Authors." So, without further ado, here are my top 5 most read authors, according to Goodreads:

1. Stephen King (31 books - and at least 3 more under different pen names)

I got into Stephen King when I was younger, when I asked my mom what books she would recommend to me. Since she liked Stephen King and Dean Koontz, those are the authors that she gave me. I've loved horror literature for a long time, and Stephen King remains the ruler of the horror genre. In addition to his novels, I've also read a bunch of his short stories and two of his nonfiction books. My favorites are Carrie, Firestarter, and 'Salem's Lot.

2. Anne Rice (25 books - and at least 4 more under different pen names)

I really got into vampire literature once I discovered Anne Rice. I've read all the books in her Vampire Chronicles, all of the books about the Mayfair witches, and all the erotica written under her two pen names. I've even considered reading her Christ the Lord series, simply because I know they'll be well-written. And I'm stupid excited about her next novel: Prince Lestat.

3. Patricia Briggs (20 books)

If you asked me who my favorite author is (right now), I'd probably say Patricia Briggs. I LOVE Patricia Briggs. I have not read one of her books that I didn't like. Her Mercy Thompson series is my favorite, closely followed by the Sianim series. I'm currently reading Night Broken, the 8th Mercy Thompson book. Her books are full of fast-paced action and kick-ass female characters, and I can't get enough of them.

4. J. R. Ward (18 books)

Ward, aka Jessica Bird, writes mostly about vampires, war, and sex: not necessarily in that order. Although I like her Black Dagger Brotherhood series, I'm not real fond of her Angels series. She's a supernatural romance author who writes men as all of her main characters and woman only in supporting roles. After so many books, I'm tired of it, but I'm so invested in the characters at this point that I'll continue to the end of the series.

5. Kelley Armstrong (11 books)

I've already read two of Kelley Armstrong's series, and I really like her characters and her writing, so I'm planning on reading her other series. I started reading her books a long time ago, and I guess I was just unaware that she wrote so many more books.

So there you have it, my top 5 most read authors, as per Goodreads. Who's in your top 5?

All images from Goodreads.com.

More Stupid Things I Say to My Dog

In case you missed part one, check it out here: Stupid Things I Say to My Dog. Here's some more stupid things I say to my dog:

• "If you have to throw up, then go out in the kitchen! Don't throw up on the carpet!"

• "I lied--I don't actually have a treat for you."

• "Quit eating grass, it's going to make you throw up again."

• "If you eat my plant again, I'm going to skin you."

• "Go ahead and lick your butt. Get the taste of my face out of your mouth."

• Getting dressed: "Shoes! I know clothes excite you. But not as much as they excite your friend Gambit."

• "Slow down and chew your food. You're going to throw it up again."

• "There's nothing scarier than a chihuahua barking under a pile of blankets. Nothing."

• Me: "Are you trying to choke yourself? Quit pulling so hard." Partner: "I didn't know your dog was into auto-erotic asphyxiation."

• "Who's in my butt? Get out of there."

• Going to the pet store to get a doggie rain coat: "I know you're happy now, but you're about to hate me."

He hates his rain coat almost as much as he hates rain.

Mixed Messages

People and Woman's World magazines from February

I know these magazines are from last month, but I wanted to point out the hypocrisy of the media. These two magazines were on sale next to each other at Wal Mart. One is People magazine, and it says: "Biggest Loser Scandal: Too Thin Too Fast?" The second is Woman's World: "10 Day Total-Body Makeover! Lose 25 lbs! Botox in a Cup!"

Talk about mixed messages. "Lose lots of weight! Change everything about yourself! But don't lose too much weight! Lose as much weight as possible! But only until you meet the arbitrary ideal body image!" It's pretty much impossible to meet the media standards of beauty, and I think that you can see that in just this one image.

What really kills me is the other messages on the Woman's World cover. "Bake Up Some Happiness!" "Make Stress Vanish!" So basically: "Lose tons of weight! Look perfect! But don't stress about your looks! And make lots of awesome food! But don't eat it, 'cause then you'll get fat! LOL!"

Ugh.

Make Life More Worth Living

Do whatever it takes to make your life more worth living. Anything at all. It can be illegal, immoral, unethical, self-destructive...anything at all if it makes your life more worth living. There's only one rule to follow to make the kind of blanket permission work: Don't be mean.

-Kate Bornstein, author of Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws

What makes life "more worth living"? Brainstorming!

Celebrating Death

As you may have heard, the former leader of the hate group Westboro Baptist Church, Fred Phelps, died this morning. Phelps is infamous for picketing funerals of dead American soldiers with signs like "God hates fags" and "Thank God for dead soldiers."

When news of his death came out, people had strong reactions. Many people, such as myself, are hopeful that his death signifies the end of the WBC's legacy of hatred. But others have been celebrating. Yes, celebrating a man's death. Now I understood when they celebrated Saddam Hussein's death, and they probably celebrated Hitler's death, too. While it's true that Phelps caused a lot of pain for a lot of families grieving their loved ones, it's also true that he was exercising his right to free speech--not slaughtering innocent people.

Fred Phelps was a hateful man who picketed at the funerals of dead soldiers, but he was a human being: a father, a grandfather. If we celebrate his death, we are no better than the hate-mongers of the Westboro Baptist Church. Have some compassion for your fellow humans, even if they would have none for you.

Source: http://www.latimes.com/obituaries/la-me-fred-phelps-20140321,0,4718547.story#axzz2wX312QhQ

Settling for Unhappiness

"Why don't people do what they really want to do, Reuben?" he asked. "Why do we so often settle for what makes us devoutly unhappy! Why do we accept that happiness just isn't possible?" [...] "I don't know why I woke up every morning with the idea that I had to adjust, had to accept, had to go along with."

-Anne Rice, The Wolves of Midwinter

I do this a lot. Maybe it's because of my depression, but I have this belief that I just can't be happy. I don't try to make changes in my life regarding things that make me unhappy, since I don't think it will make a difference anyway. My depression tells me a lot of nasty things, and this is probably one of them. That's why this part of the novel really jumped out at me. Why do I just accept what makes me unhappy? I have to learn to not listen to my depression when it tells me things like this, but I have to learn to identify the voice of my depression first. Maybe then I can work at being a happier person.